Listen in to my new unscripted, unfiltered and on occasion unhinged podcast, Journaling with PT.
Most episodes were uploaded from previously recorded audio journal entries.
Initially my entries were to serve the purpose of documenting my experiences when writing was inaccessible. As a result my iPhone 11 became the sole device of choice.
Presently, the podcast is available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcast and Amazon Music.
From the Inside, Thoughts on Therapy, a Story Idea and Mental Fortitude, is the third episode and feaures a raw, unscripted journal entry recorded April, 20, 2023.
In the entry I took pause to express the numerous thoughts I had experienced at that particular time.
Like our physical health and wellness, our mental health is equally as important, and should be championed to the nth degree.
I hope the episode helps you to formulate your own self assessments to ostensibly evaluate your own mental state at convenient intervals.
It is necessary to protect it at all cause and to remember above all else to be kind to yourself always.
The Show’s FULL Transcript is Available Below:
“Thursday, April 20, 2023.
It ‘s still 2023. Well I don’ have to say the year, do I have to say the year? It ‘s 2023. It’s not gonna suddenly be 2024 or go back in time to 2022 or 2021 or…
Wouldn’t that be something? That’s another- I guess that would be an idea for a short story or something. I’m sure it’s been done before by Steven Spielberg or Stephen King or one of the Stevens.
Yeah so… A story about time that shifts from day to day. You don’t know where you’ll end up, Kinda like Quantum Leap. Quantum Leap had a whole intricate, I guess premise in addition to the time travelling bit. But , with this device and there’s always something to solve and you know, but just something different that you, you don’t know what’s going to happen. It could be like a Twilight Zone episode right where you wake up it’s one day in a certain year and then and then it happens that you’re somewhere else. But then it can be gradual right? Like it’s like a dream at first. You think you’re dreaming but what’s happening is that you’re actually shifting until you’re in this place or that; or the person is in this place or that until they can actually realize that can actually stay. And not in a Back to the Future thing where there’s a DeLorean or there’s some time device or what not. This is just, it’s just happening, because time is collapsing…upon itself… in such a way…that it’s affecting those who are not clairvoyant but it’s something that’s happening in the spirit realm.
The Spirit World, the spirit world is causing a shift where it wants to manifest itself into the physical or something, Yes! I’m on to something here. I think it would be beautiful. I think it would be most beautiful.
But anyway, it’s a new day, I just came back from the therapist. I won’t say the therapist because it seems so impersonal, she’s a beautiful woman. When I hear that I’m going to her, I immediately feel a sense of calm. And I think, I think she’s a wonderful person. I feel an ease when I hear her name, when I hear her voice. You know, it’s mellifluous. She has that voice, she has a voice for what she does, she has a face for what she does, she embodies what she does. And so. I’m in a good place whenever I leave her office, I’m always in a good place. My heart is alight, there’s a light that shines, that wasn’t there before. And if it was there, if it was slightly dimmed, then it’s illuminated even more, when I leave her office. When I leave her office I feel like a new person. It feels like one person goes in and then another comes out. I don’t know why I feel this way, I can’t understand it, all of the physiology and the psychology behind it but I just know that- and it’s not- I don’t know. Maybe she’ll figure it out. Maybe she’ll help me figure it out one day. Maybe I’ll figure it out. Maybe I’ll get- maybe something epiphanous happens and then all of a sudden I’ll just know okay, this is what happened then.
The only thing I can say in this moment while I’m sitting here- I went to the – I’m at the Visual Arts Centre, you know at her recommendation, and I decided to walk down here, and I said you know what, it’s a nice day, I’ll walk back to the hotel. I have my walking shoes on just in case I wanted to do that and I totally feel like doing it. I feel empowered today. My feet feel strong, my legs are sturdy and ready. I’m ready for whatever the day brings, you know, I feel strong in my legs and strong in my mind. My body is a unit that works together like a machine; a nicely oiled machine, it’s oiled in all the right places
So, yeah, just a couple- it feels like maybe my circuit board needs some dusting, but besides that everything’s working, circuit board- you know, just something’s a little, you know a little dusting here and there- it causes a trip of a circuit here and there. It may switch off when it should be on- but for the most part I’m working.
The Visual Arts Centre, there’s some interesting exhibits there, something different where nature’s involved. It’s called Anoxic (Memory), something or other her, I have to double check. And, it’s an incorporation of materials from nature, trees and soil, and mosses, and fermentation going on there. I’ve never seen anything like it. At first I was taken aback, I said, Okay what’s this? But I went to the… I didn’t take a picture of the one upstairs, but the display upstairs it’s like a representation of a swamp or – but I saw it as something instead of like a dark swamp because of fermentation and decomposition, and all of these other things that are happening simultaneously; there’s this dark water and the place is surrounded by, dirt, and limbs, and stems, and leaves and flies and the whole bit.
And I think for me it was like it represented where I was. This is how I read into what I was seeing. As I came face to face with my emotions. The emotions that I had. It’s like the darkness of the water represents all of the stuff that I excreted in the last season. It’s excrement, that’s all that is. It’s things I want far away from me. People, toxicity, all of it is in that bog, in that water. And it’s sinking, it’s shifting and changing, it’s coalescing with whatever’s around that area, and it’s being eaten by itself. It’s decomposing into nothingness. And so this is what I saw. I had a very emotional experience with that exhibit; and I’m happy I came in here.
I came in here for copies of the magazine but I’m leaving here with, I won’t say a new sense of purpose, it’s not that deep… but what’s happened is that it’s opened something else inside of me. Between the session with my wonderful therapist, whose name I won’t just in case. I don’t know where this particular journal entry is going to end up so for anonymity, for her sake I will not mention her name.
But, between that wonderful session – there’s something just so cathartic about having someone who understands and they’re helping you through . They can see from the outside in, right? And they have all of the tools that you need . So when I’m away from her I feel like I have the toolbox, and it’s not locked any more, because before it was locked. It was locked and I had keys, but I couldn’t figure out which key opened the toolbox. But with her and this wonderful counselor from another society/foundation and, same thing, it’s another toolbox, or it’s apart of it. I have these keys but I couldn’t get in.
Which one was it?
Sometimes I’ll fumble, sometimes I- thought it was this one – shake around the lock- nothing – and then – and then it ‘s gone. But anyways, now the toolbox is open. I know which key opens the box, right? I know which key opens the box. The box is open and then I can see all of the tools. — Okay, for this one I need a screwdriver, Phillips or flathead– okay for this one I need that–this one I need that. It could be — I said a toolbox , becuase I was thinking , oh, my painting, I could use that as an illustration but I prefer to use a toolbox because tools get things done. If you have the right tool you can work more efficiently.
Let ‘s say you needed to secure something to a wall or something like that. I guess you can use pegs or something. Sometimes you need a nail. Where are the nails? Where are the screws?
Sometimes it’s better to use a screw than a nail. Anyway…
I’m just enjoying this brook right here, it’s very soothing. I’m renewed and refreshed. Reinvigorated. Invigorated, Reinvigorated. Replenished. We need more replienshable people in the world. People who help to restore rather than deplete.
We need to delete the depleters. Delete them from our lives. Delete the things that deplete.
I think I’ll end there, I think I’ll end there because this entry has nothing to do with everything else but has everything to do with everything else all at once.
It’s a good day.”
If you are in a place where you may need to speak with someone, please call a local hospital, they have many resources available.
“The Turquoise Valley” (Collage and Acrylic on 18×24 Gallery Canvas) was created by artist PT Russell and is available for collecting.
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